Rieweh

Tulisan ini sy ketik di atas kereta Matarmaja gerbong 5 karena bosan dan agak sebal dgn mba2 yg duduk disamping sy. Sekarang pukul 19.20 mlm Jumat, 14 juli 2016. Sy sdg menuju Malang. Sy brgkt dr rumah pukul 10.30 pagi menjelang siang menuju stasiun Pemalang. Sy kesulitan mendapatkan tiket yg lgsg menuju Malang dg harga murah, akhirnya sy mensiasati untuk transit d Smg dlu, kebetulan dan mmg sdh takdir Tuhan ak harus 2 kali naik kereta sblm sampai Malang. Ya, kereta dr Pemalang, Kaligung, brgkt pukul 12.47, dan sampai Semarang pukul 14.30, kemudian lanjut ke Malang dg kereta Matarmaja pukul 17.27. temanku, Sani bersedia menemani aku di Poncol sampai kereta ku menuju Malang datang. Ya kan kebetulan Sani anak Smg, jd pasti dia gak begitu keberatan lah, toh gak tiap hr ak mnta dia temenin, alhamdulillah pukul 16.30 dia br bisa smpai d stasiun. Dia bawakan aku kopi asli Medan, hheu pdhl ak sdg berniat berhenti ngopi. Gpp, ak kontrol lah ngopiku kali ini. Msh 7 jam lg sblm sampai pemberhentian akhir stasiun Malang Kotabaru. Paringono sabar Robb. Ak kangen umi, ak rindu aby, aku msh ingin tdur bertiga dgn dek ihya dan dek bibah. Umy, maafkan Ajeng. Aby, ampuni Ajeng. Doakan saja yg terbaik untuk pelita hati kalian ini. Ajeng hanya akan mencoba meraih cintaNya, mendapatkan ampunanNya, dan tak mau sebentar pun Dia cabut cintaNya untuk Ajeng. Tentang cita-cita dan harapan umy trhdpku, insyaAllah. Kan ku tanggalkan egoku demi aku sendiri, untukmu ibu, dan karenaNya. Lagi lagi, doakan saja yg terbaik untuk anakmu yg sdh bosan dgn kehidupannya sendiri ini. Anakmu benar2 hilang semangat. Anakmu merasa hina sehina2nya, anakmu ketakutan tak terkira pak, buk.
Again, these tears wont fall
They never wanna fall before you

She will look away
So you dont have to see her cry
Well, i just bought a cup of tea in the train, last time I bought it was 5.000, but i just payed 8.000 only for this fuckin same cup of tea. Wew
What this situation should be called ?
Oh mom, you know when i am sick, it really makes me realize how i cant live without you. Your love is too clear, so that anyone can see it without any doubt. Mom i leave you, again, i still remember when you even accompanied me for the first time, you took me, you brought me to the safest place you thought. You cried aloud before leaving me in that place. I couldnt even look at your face, i couldnt even hug you and dad, only because i didnt want you know my bodys shaking, you only saw me smiling, you didnt even hear any voice come out from my mouth, cause i didnt really speak any word, my tongue seemed to be confined. I cant say anything. You know mom how hard i should pretend to be such coward, heartless and rude daughter ever ? it was really hard mom, dad. I couldnt even take this pain away, till now.
I cant see the moon from this place
I cant feel warm since living here, without your voice
Only coldness, everyday i feel cold
This life is getting bolder and bold
I m trying so hard to be a warm girl
To be as nice as you are doing
But i m just tiring my mind
Looking around and nothing to find
I m be more heartless
No cares with others
And no body cares what the hell is going on
They just keep saying move on and go on
Dont they see i never stop walking?
When i feel get lost, i dont stop my foot stepping
I look for another way
Till i get some other day
Oh mom, they keep judging
Dont you know that?
They will keep judging till their last breath
So mom, should i swing my sword to their neck
One day one head
I will live my life with killing
I will give them the greatest feeling of dying
Mom, i m not like her
I m not like them
I m not like us, like you, dad, brother and sister
I m nobody
I will never be anybody
Mom, dont you remember
Once a Nyai talked to father?
No she talked to me
She asked me why i should be born
I m just a burden for the parent
How pity a mother who had delivered me to the world
Mom i told you, such Nyai existed in this world
Mom, she might be right
You and dad are possibly feeling sorry right now
But how sorry you are, how big the regret dad hide
Both you and he are still praying for me
You take care of me, you give the pure love to me
I can feel
You, never leave me
You never forget me even a second
Even you are sick and living a pain i caused
But mom, how could such pure love as if torturing me
Am i your real daughter ?
Am i even a human ?
I m nobody, and i will never be anybody
sorry