Thursday, January 29, 2015

Fake can be just as good, anyway.


Hitam putih kehidupan

Saat bahagia, tertawa lepas tanpa dosa
Saat bersedih, menangis . .meratapi diri tiada henti
Sulit sekali di ungkapkan dengan kata-kata
Saat tawa dan tangis menyatu di dalam jiwa
Tawa kebahagiaan dan tangis kesedihan
Jalan fikir manusia selalu berbeda
Pandangan tentang suatu hal  pun tak sama
Bagaimana caranya untuk mengerti dan memahami
Hati serta perasaan sesama
Memahami dan mengerti diri sendiripun tak bisa
Terkadang ku merasa heppi
Dengan tingkah mereka yang menyakitkan hati
Sungguh tak dapat ku mengerti
Kenapa ku masih bertahan dan peduli
Di dunia yang penuh sandiwara ini
Apakah untuk mereka yang tak tau
Dan bahkan tak pernah mau tau, siapa sebenarnya diriku
Atau mungkin untuk-Nya
Yang telah memberiku nyawa
Lalu untuk apa menyembah-Nya, jika terpaksa
Jika hidup ini sia-sia
Dan tak ada cahaya
Yang menuntunku menuju jalan-Nya
Mengapa kau biarkan hidupku sengsara
Tanpa tongkat yang menyangga
Tiada teman saat suka dan duka
Dhohirku tangguh, namun batinku rapuh tiada tara
Tuhan, biarkan ragaku melayang sempurna
Kan ku raih surga-Mu disana

Yang tak pernah ku dapatkan di dunia yang fana

Pemalang, December 26, 2010
Bahrul Ulum Islamic Boarding School

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Feeling suicidal? meh

"Self denial"


Setiap manusia itu berbeda, bahkan karena perbedaan itulah mereka ada. Lantas apakah pantas kau teriakan kata “aneh” di telingaku hanya karena aku berbeda dengan kamu dan mereka. Kupikir hidup ini akan sia belaka jika kuhabiskan tuk memikirkan tiap kata tentangku darimu dan mereka.  Aku. . tak ingin peduli. Semua adalah misteri. Dan cinta, cinta lebih misterius dari makna misteri itu sndiri. Aku sang nomad yang hilang arah. Berdiri sebagai sampah.

Coffee I need coffee
Thinking of him make me crazy
I think ignoring him is easy
But he has been part of my fantasy
I know I am freaky
So no need to shout it repeatedly
Please, I only wanna be happy
Living in a lie is not easy
Make life solely juicy
Being crazy is always cozy
It is only fantasy
Coffee coffee coffee

~only coffee and me~

Yep, kamu ingin? Maka matilah. Kesimpulan dari kegilaan malam ini mencapai pada titik gelap akan makna bebas. Pembebasan sejati ialah kematian. Kematian itu sendiri yang akan membebaskan manusia dari apapun yang mengikat mereka akan kewajiban, rasa tak enak, rasa sungkan, rasa pura-pura, kemunafikan, kesakitan, kepedihan, ataupun kesenangan semu. Matilah, dan hiduplah kamu dalam kebebasan.

Monday, January 26, 2015

No Effort, No Result! (an Essay)

No Effort No Result!

Everyone has a dream, and all of dreams need a struggle to make them happen. For students who learn English in College of Languages of Sultan Agung Islamic University, both who take a major of English Education and English Literature also have a dream or goal they want to achieve. Normally, they want to master English well, because aware or unaware, when they are entering a community of English language like University, they should have had a priority to be done through some processes in learning English. However, dreams will be just dreams, till you bring them to real. So does your dream of mastering English. For that reason, making a dream of being able master English coming into reality requires a lot of determination, dedication, self discipline, and effort.
In this case, no words telling enrolling English Department of this University is not your choice, so you are so distraught to reach a dream of mastering English. You have to know that human is delivered with choices, and life is basically a choice. Being a student who has been learning English for two years, you should have been improving your English. Hence, you must have a strong determination to get there. You also need a sacrifice of power, mind and time for success of an effort. How can you produce something without any effort? Try as hard you can, and never complained. Disciplining yourself to everything is important, to support your efforts in order to produce something that is expected. In addition, I do believe that life is beginning of dream, without dream, your life is just like a zombie. Therefore, suspend your dream of mastering English as high as possible and get it real to your life.
Do you still remember about the story of Thomas Alva Edison’s research for his first lamp? He said in his notes that “Genius is 99% hard work”. What meaning do you get from his words? No more need to think that Thomas Alva Edison is a researcher and genius, so that he could be successful on his research. As we have known, it is about effort and process. Learning English is a complex process. Process is always associated with time. How long the time you need, it depends on how long the process you will go through. Nevertheless, improving English is not about how many times you are enrolling in a college to learn English. Time is no guarantee when you cannot respect the existence of time itself. Learning English as a foreign language is not a linear process. Do not ignore the opportunities you have to learn it. You will never able to improve your skill in English unless you read a lot, you listen a lot, you write a lot and you speak a lot. It will need a process to make you really able to master English well.
Some students are unwilling to participate in learning English process in classroom. They do not really want to able to improve their English and master it. No effort to improve their skill. They never read, never engage conversation. Sometimes they listen, but they do not know and do not understand what they listen. Worse yet, they do not want to know and do not feel deprived. In fact, you know, do not you, that learning English is about process and practice. Furthermore, when people really want something, they would do everything to get that thing. Just remember that, where is a will, there is a way. Everyone is number one, so surely you can improve your skill in English as long as you want and you have a determination to do it.
Everything cannot be changed if nothing changes. From little thing, big thing comes when that thing works continuously. Just like the changes, from a little change, a big change will happen. From now on, you have to change your mindset first. Do not dream that you can improve your skill in English and master it whereas you yourself do not want to reach it. No matter how difficult it is, no matter how old you are now, save yourself because you need a new world of confidence and spirit now. No laziness, no feel assured without effort. Ready for your changes and prepare yourself for a revolution in acquiring and mastering English. Start to listen more, read more, speak more and write more of English and do not forget practicing it every day. Just believe, little by little it will become a hill. As well, all of your effort will give you an appropriate result.  Start to listen more, read more, speak more and write more of English and do not forget practicing it everyday. Just believe, little by little it will become a hill. As well, all of your effort will give you an appropriate result.

Well, the effort is directly proportional to the result. In this regard, continuous effort is the key to unlock your potential in improving English. Everything is possible in this world, for someone who is willing to keep trying. Thus, never give up doing the best of yours in learning, improving and mastering English. Keep in mind, achievement is not a coincidence, and the dream will never come true without hard work. Do not just treat your dreams in your fantasy. If so, it will never come to your reality. Keep spirit!

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Bittersweet of Childhood (A Gripping Story)

From Kites I Wised Up

            This is a story of my life, my best childhood experience, my adventure. It happened about 12 years ago, when I was at the third grade of elementary school. My name is Kara Alkana Barbyzes. I was born on September 22nd in Pemalang. A shadowy woman ever told me that my birthday was mesmeric and mysterious, as mysterious as my future later on. She also added that my birthday would affect my behavior in daily life. I did not know who was she, but seemed to be I knew that she was just a woman who often appeared in my dreams when I was sleeping. However, I used to have a hunch that she was my guardian angel, just because she looked so merciful whenever she came to my dreams with the same fascinating gown. Whoever she was, I thought that she was fully right.
I was a very mischievous child, disobedient daughter and annoying. I liked to bother everyone that I wanted, every time. I could not be just silent because I was not only talkative, but also hyperactive. However, I was quite creative either in troubling my friends or creating my own toys that would make my friends kept standing next to me for playing with me. I did not know whether it was a good thing or bad thing. Apart from it, every person in the world has always two sides on them, so do I. I was an honest child by the time. That’s why I would say anything as it was though it hurt. Nonetheless, if it would hurt myself and could lessen my impressive character, I would prefer to hide it. In addition, I was not type of child who would easily believe on others. On the other hand, I was so easy to be susceptible by the others if it was about impressive converse in our circle. Yet, I still had quite strong determination of my life. I had to be more independent in everything and have firm principle of this life.
~~ o_o ~~


Here the story is . . .
From Kites I Wised Up

In the middle of the night, when the angels and demons roamed the earth to look for children who had not been sleeping to be brought into the realm of dreams that was more enigmatic and thrilling than a dream when they fell asleep, Kara was still counting stars on the sky through glass-window in her room. The stars were so beautiful and it made her desire to fly and dwell there. In contrast, her mood was not as beautiful those stars. She did not want to sleep, because she wanted to meet her guardian angel who often appeared in her dreams when she was sleeping. She wanted to meet her when she was still awake tonight. However, she had been waiting for her since her mom asked her to sleep few hours ago, but her guardian angel had not come yet. She was getting sleepy and muttered angry because it looked like her waiting would be futile. At last, Kara fell asleep few minutes after closing the curtains of the window.
In the morning, Kara overslept.
“Kara, wake up dear. You have to take a shower immediately and go to school.” Said her mom when waking Kara up as the days before.
“Hmm” Kara was just burbling.
“My dearest Kara, open your eyes and leave your bed.” Asked her mom while pulling the blanket over Kara and started to tickle Kara’s stomach.
“You are too early waking me up, Mom. I need some sleep more.” Answered Kara still refusing to wake up.
“Oh God, please. Kara, it is left only 10 minutes more from your school’s bell to ring. Wake up now or you will be late more than the usual.” Said her mom with the louder voice.
“What? Why did you just wake me up now?” Said Kara.

Her mom just shook her head to look at her daughter’s behavior. She knew that Kara was virtually a cute and adorable child, but Kara preferred to bother other people which caused them resentful. That’s why she had been accustomed to Kara’s behavior. Indeed, Kara’s mom always educated Kara to be a good child. She never gave up to do that though Kara was so stubborn and disobedient. As a mother, she had been quite wise to not grumble over her daughter’s behavior.
            Some time ago, there was a neighbor who came to her house complaining about Kara’s acting to her son by showing her son’s head which was swollen. In the beginning, that evidence quite startled Kara’s mom, but remembering kind of that incident was not the first time that she experienced, she can restrain her emotion quickly. A neighbor who came to her house was Mrs. Evlia Yolu Polfiri. Her house was next to house of Kara’s mom. Kara’s mom recognized Mrs. Polfiri’s son, he was Orhan who often played marbles with Kara in front of yard in her house.
Kara’s mom liked to observe Kara when she was playing with her friends who all of them are boys, but they are at the same age. Then, although Kara was the only girl among her friends, she always leaded playing among them. She was the one who decided all kinds of their playing in everyday depending on her desires. She was a smart and diplomatic girl. It could be shown from her successful in making her friends always followed her instruction when they were playing. Besides that, she was also quite sophisticated in creating catapult from branches of tree or other toys of woods and seconds materials. Because of her creativity, Kara was always surrounded by her friends. Sometimes, Kara liked to slap her friends. She was joking with it. However, her friends disliked it though they did not have any brave to convey it to Kara.
            One day, Kara invited her friends to play kites. She suggested to her friends to make their own kites. Returning from school, Kara and her friends had gathered in the field close to her house with complete materials and tools to make their own kites. Kara had finished her kite faster than her friends, but Kara was not type of snobs.
However, she was not Kara if she was just quite in her place. She started to bother her friends one by one as usual such as hiding Gazi’s knife, throwing Zhalaqi’s sandal, tearing out Megura’s hair, and many others. She would never stop bothering her friends until she had been satisfied.
After finishing all their kites, one by one of them begin to fly their kites as high as possible. Kara got the first turn and the others followed. The weather at the time was shiny and windy. It supported their playing of kites became more appealing, and they became more exited.  They played kites full of joys and jokes before suddenly there was a big and charming kite from somewhere which came near to their kites high away up there. Bosporus told Kara that Kara was so absolutely cool when she could defeat the big and charming kite which was getting closer to Kara’s kite. Kara’s spirit to defeat that kite was blazed of Bosporus words.
Kara started to swipe the string of her kite to the string of the big kite. All her friends were shouting for her.
“Kara!”
“Kara!”
“Kara!”
No longer after that, out of the blue, the string of the big kite was broken off. It meant that Kara successfully defeated the big and charming kite.
Their adventure did not end up there. Kara asked her friends to chase the broken big and charming kite then take it. They started to run as fast as they can. Kara ran very fast left her friends behind. They ran through drainage ditch, garden and footpath until they found the broken big and charming kite was stuck in the tree of “Melinjo”. They stopped running and looked at each other.
“I will climb this tree and all of you wait under.” Commanded Kara.
Kara begin to climb that tree while her friends supported her by shouting her name loudly and clapping their hands.
“Kara!”
“Kara!”
“Kara!”
It made Kara more enthusiastic to climb and get the kite.
Kara almost got the kite when suddenly the branch which she stepped was broken. It made her falling down irregularly. “Gedebug”. The sound of Kara’s falling was so hard. Moreover, Kara fell down in jocosity. Those were not the main point of this story. The only thing that made Kara was so surprised was there were no one around her now. She just closed her eyes a moment when her bottom touching the bushes under the tree, but when she opened her eyes again, all people were gone.
She really wondered, what had actually happened to her. It seemed that hard collision in her bottom affected her memory.
“I am playing kites with Bosporus, Gazi, Megura, Zhalaqi, Koresh, Sparta, Orpheus, Troy and some others. Now, where are they? Why am I just alone here? Am I dreaming?” Asked Kara to herself.
After recalling one by one of the events she through, she started to remember all. However, she could not believe that. She tried to think of herself.
“Am I really selfish? Am I really cruel? Am I really careless? Am I really annoying so they are all gone? They just run and leave me alone here when I have just fallen down from the tree?” Asked Kara to herself.
Honestly, she really wanted to cry, but she refrained from it. Amazingly, she exactly realized all her behavior so far. She thought that she might have lot of mistakes to her friends that she did not know and realize. Since then, she promised to be a good daughter and friendly friend to her parents and friends. She truly did not want to experience the most miserable thing like falling down from tree alone and being left by her friends anymore.
She had exceedingly wanted to cry when suddenly her mom came.
“Is it painful my dearest Kara?” Asked Kara’s mom while smiling.
“Not at all, my bottom is very okay” Answered Kara while holding her bottom and hiding her pain then laughing ridiculously.
“Not your bottom, but your heart, is it painful? Asked Kara’s mom while keeping her smile and helped her beloved daughter to get up.
Kara just made a wry face before her mom and kept acting so cool before her mom. Although Kara doubtlessly and hardly showed that she was alright, as a mother, Mrs. Cybele Metana Barbyzes could easily know and understand how did her daughter feel. She just hoped that Kara could learn from her experience, and she would be a good child and favorable for everyone.
            “Mom, how do you know that I am here?” Asked Kara plainly.
“Bosporus came to me breathlessly and told everything.” Answered her mom tenderly.
            “Everything? Asked Kara full of curiosity.
Mrs. Barbyzes just smiled and embraced her daughter full of mercy then they went home together.

~o~ end ~o~

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

(A Poem)

Ngringin, November 27, 2014
10:57 AM

The rain falls, it makes me drown

For the first time in this phase
I cried for anyone else
I only cry for my mom
And him, the one whose name ever dwelt in my heart
Since I left
Since I m unbounded
Since that day
I never care a lot about my sense
However, I cried for someone last night
By the accident, I became wonder
How could it be?
Do I fall for him?
Like the falling rain this morning?
Too early to settle on
He was just a passer by
Who walked calmly on my way
But who knows when fate’s coming
No one can’t deny an honest feeling
Tears down
It makes a sound
Razing my pride to the ground
And when  he tried to greet me
I just should look away
So he didn’t have to see me cry
I have no more power to hide
Love starting glow
Fear turning low

Pain just follow